Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....