I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Please, let me fuck your mom
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful