whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.