Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.