ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.