Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.