Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
