remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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