i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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