We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
