he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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