i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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