you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
