Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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