I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
