I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
