I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
