Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
