I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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