now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
