Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
