I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
not ubering you a puppy
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
