Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
