I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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