We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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