I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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