they need to just BURY HIM!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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