I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
