I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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