Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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