hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
