You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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