A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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