i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
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bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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