When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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