Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
