soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
