Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
