I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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