i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
