bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
