just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just invented taco cereal.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
