Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I looked at my own cervix.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
