i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
