forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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