aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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