oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish i was in the wii world.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
