Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
