just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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