Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
