Christians are straight up FREAKS
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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