All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
