How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
