You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
