there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
