You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
