I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
