You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize