So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize