we have officially lost it.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
