im about as happy as oj after his trial
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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