is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
