Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
