Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
