my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
