yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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