i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
