All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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