Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
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I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
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It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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