Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
