if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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