Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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