Pappa wants mamma naked
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
