Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
