im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
