That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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