I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
