You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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