My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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