More tranny stories later!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have peed in a lot of sinks
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
