I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
