I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
