my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
