Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
