ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She bit a glass in half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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