i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
