Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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