I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
